I remember the first time I saw you. Months ago, when the late autumn line was announced in an email from your maker, the stylish high-brow folks from Toast. With their minimalist type-face and enticing photograph of autumnal colours I had no choice but to click through! And there you were, in all of your timeless stripey goodness, sweater.

Why did I ever sign up for the Toast emails? Perhaps it is because I am a sad millennial who did not choose to be a venture capitalist who likes to window shop without being a creep, so I do so from the comfort of my tiny pre-furnished flat. Perhaps it is because the Toast shop is so fancy that they only set out ONE of each of their offerings, encouraging (forcing) you to actually speak with the sales people when you go to browse. Perhaps it is, because just like Toast, I too “aspire to a more thoughtful way of life, creating and curating simple, functional, beautiful clothing, homeware and editorial.”

TOAST aspires to a more thoughtful way of life, creating and curating simple, functional, beautiful clothing, homeware and editorial.

I have purchased a few items from Toast, normally online or at John Lewis, which allows for a more anonymous in-store shopping experience. Recently, I found a pair of lovely wool trousers that look fancy but boast an elastic waist! Thank you Toast, for helping me achieve my goal of looking sartorially sharp and yet secretly very comfy. I typically wait until the last possible moment when I think my size will be snapped up on clearance racks in order to score the best possible deal. Why? Well, as I have previously mentioned, I did not choose to become a venture capitalist in my youth so here I am, trolling the bottom to find nice things at discounts.

So back to you, Stripe Wide Sleeve Sweater – can I call you SWS? I sure hope so. I imagined waltzing to the school run, your stripes peaking out from underneath my denim jacket, understated elegance paired with rugged yet timeless utility – totally aspirational, functional and editorial! You would pair perfectly with my oat milk latte and avocado toast while I sit in the cafe importantly looking through my inbox filled with adverts for a variety of clothing companies that fit my aesthetic and identity, but sadly not my financial wealth. That is the problem, with this beautiful relationship we could have had, is that you were £140. Sigh.

At last, the holidays roll around and with them comes all of the deals and the sales – and as always – Toast did not disappoint! I received the first email signaling the beginning of the Grand Winter Sale excitedly, wondering what treasures would be on offer – and there you were, as though our relationship was truly meant to be. The first round of the Grand Sale, sadly for us, you were only marked down to £60 and as this was the Christmas of the Remote Control Everything for my child, I could not justify such a purchase. Sigh, although the deep red stripes and bell sleeves would have been a cozy and fabulous way to ring in the new year, we would have to wait SWS.

And it came – another email from Toast, as though Toast knew I was waiting for this chance! Final Markdowns of the Grand Winter Sale – up to 60% off! Are you still there, waiting for me SWS? With my heart a-flutter, I clicked through and found you on the webpage, closer to the bottom, and with a stroke of luck, my size is available! And now, the new marked down price of £42! That is £98 down from the original price- a stroke of financial genius, perhaps I am a venture capitalist after all! My patience has been rewarded. I select my size, and just before I click “add to basket” something terrible catches my eye.

Hand Wash Only

I am sorry SWS, but this relationship was clearly never meant to be. I may have the time to browse and browse imagining the outfits I could wear if I were a venture capitalist, but I have zero time and zero patience for hand washing an over-sized big wool sweater. It is over, I hope that your future owner loves you as much as I would have, had you been able to manage a simple cold wash cycle in a machine. I have been down this road with other hand-wash only garments, and trust me, SWS, you are lovely but it is better for the both of us if we simply part ways before its too late.